Vol. 1, Chap. 14: “Why Men Don’t Marry”

Alan is fined by the council for pique, and then we are toasted with a tale of scummy romantic misadventure amongst the backdrop of gorgeous Switzerland, home of waiters with outsized importance to stories.  Join us to learn about Lee Lee Sobieski’s poetry, and definitely NOT how to pronounce the word “shemagh.”

“Why Men Don’t Marry” from the book “Frivolous Cupid” by Anthony Hope, author of Prisoner of Zenda.  We totally spaced out on doing our Ronald Coleman impression in this episode, and we’re sorry for that, but you can recreate it by repeating the name “Ronald Coleman” over and over again and successively rolling the R more each time.  

Grab a drink of Kirsch and curl up in your favorite A-frame Swiss chalet, while we read you this week’s tale.

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Vol. 1, Chap. 13: “Two Weeks in August”

This episode, Rob finally lulls his toddler (and Alan) to sleep with the hypnotic power of European tractor stories and then we dive into the future of annoying coworkers and space tourism. Boy, if that isn’t a thrilling prospect for Fifties sci-fi hilarity, I don’t know what is!

Another science-fiction story from the glory days of yore, “Two Weeks in August” combines all the adventure of being forced into coworker conversations with looking in a phone book. Yep, seriously, that’s pretty much it. Plus pastrami sandwiches! Trust us, it all comes together as we read a highlight from the February, 1951 issue of Galaxy Science Fiction and sprinkle our usual jokes and nonsense about. 

It’s time to curl up in your favorite space fishing boat and grab your favorite drink as we read you this week’s tale.

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Vol. 1, Chap. 12: “Picture Bride”

We discuss the believability of lies and what grandmas do in their spare time (knitting, baking, plotting death upon their enemies, etc.). Then we regale you with a tale of unsocialized idiots tuning into mysterious women from the future with rheostats. Rheostati? Rheostatuses? Preposteruses!

As implied above, this week’s story is a whole bunch of Science Fiction hoo-ha in the vein of Twilight Zone or an episode of Black Mirror that’s 99% less about the bleak horrors of existence and inevitible crushing of the human experience by technology. It’s from Galaxy Science Fiction, June, 1955, so if you like two guys talking about dames and the scientific breakthroughs that will finally allow one of them to feel love than this is the story for you. Basically what we’re really getting at is that Ex Machina is a complete rip-off of this and someone owes someone else a lot of money.

So it’s time to curl up in your favorite laboratory with your girlfriend who lives in Canada or Europe or wherever and grab a drink while we read you this week’s tale.

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Vol. 1, Chap. 11: “A Chance Clew”

This week we switch from weird wintry tales to a weird mystery tale! First we wonder about what’s a dream and what’s getting its ass to Mars or not, then jump into a daring criminal enterprise involving molasses and a dopey gumshoe. There’s also some banter about manservants and the movie Ghost (you know, typical conversational stuff). 

This week’s genres are Crime and Mystery as we present a serial from the pages of Detective Story Magazine.  It’s time to curl up on your favorite cask and/or barrel and grab a drink, while we read you this week’s tale.

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Vol. 1, Chap. 10: “Holiday 2017 Interruptiganza”

Tis’ the season to be interrupted! This week we get in the spirit (and possibly spirits) and posit whether it’s better to give or receive (an empty box) and then saddle up a reindeer for TWO Christmas-themed stories: “Little Jean” and “A Kidnapped Santa Claus”. In the first story, we meet a little boy who has never even heard of Christmas in the literally unpronouncable country he is from, but somehow he figures it out all on his own. In the second, well – it’s pretty messed up, honestly – but we tackles elves’ rights, stooge-like “demons”, and wackily named creatures like Nuter, Wisk, and Febreze. The whole thing is basically a sourcebook for an incredibly unpopular AD&D setting. And now it’s time to curl up in a sleigh and got your nog on, while we read you this week’s tales.

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Vol. 1, Chap. 10 – “The Picture Bride”

We discuss the believability of lies and what grandmas do in their spare time.  Then we regale you with a tale of unsocialized idiots tuning in to mysterious women from the future with rheostats.  Rheostati? Rheostatuses?  

It’s time to curl up in your favorite laboratory with your girlfriend who lives in Canada or Europe or whatever and grab a drink while we read you this week’s tale.

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Vol. 1, Chap. 9: “Getting Billy’s Goat”

Sports fever takes center stage as we talk about the virtues of YouTube white noise options and then thunder right into a story that’s about football (yet doesn’t really feature football) and love (as written by a man who has clearly never known the touch of another person).  This week’s story genre: Adventure? Romance? It’s time to curl up in your favorite chair (or bleacher) and grab a drink while we read you this week’s tale. 

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Vol. 1, Chap. 8: “Mystery Eyes Over Earth”

We consider the existential horror of Super Mario Odyssey and then listen to an alien’s TPS report.  GO AMERICA!  This week’s story genre: Science Fiction.  It’s time to curl up in your cigar shaped craft and grab a drink while we read you this week’s tale.

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Vol. 1, Chap. 7: “Her Husband”

We “acquire” pumpkins and enjoy a story where we jump to conclusions about what our husbands are doing with far more interesting females.  This week’s story genre: Romance.  It’s time to curl up in your favorite coat and grab a drink while we read you this week’s tale.

It’s 1916 and you are a wife and mother with the perfect life until you receive vague, really vague, incredibly vague rumors about your husband and another woman. Is Tyler Perry making period films now? No, it’s “Her Husband” from Breezy Stories magazine (slogan: “Nothing Too Serious, Keepin’ It Easy”). Romance, a woman spurned, an affair uncovered. Finally, a story that takes a hard-hitting look at life for a woman in a perilous time in history. We kid, of course, women couldn’t even vote, let alone actually be the stars of their own stories! It’s all their in the title, folks. 

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Vol. 1, Chap. 6: “The Gold Mill”

In this episode, we figure out how to call people eggplants on our way to Popeyes, and then are regaled with the story of a dead miser, his mill, his cat, and the musical man who came up with brassiere.  It’s time to curl up in your favorite abandoned structure and grab a drink while we read you this week’s tale.

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